Your ridiculous quest for happiness …

Stop trying so hard to be happy. Just fucking stop. Right now. You. The person posting those goddamn, ridiculous “10 secrets to happiness” posts. You know who you are. If happiness is a choice, then why do we need a PR campaign to convince us? Why do we need to be reminded?

And, shouldn’t that make us just a little bit suspicious?

Look. I know I’m a cynic. I get it. But, hear me out. First, no one has ever seen your motivational posts, “The Zen of doing Laundry Naked,” or your “Ice Cream for Breakfast & Other Secrets to the Best Life” posts and turned their lives around. Successful people don’t post that shit. And, second, maybe all that time spent chasing the dragon could be spent on something constructive. And, mayyyyyyyybe, now—go with me on this one because it’s out there—maybe that thing you could give a try? Just a teeny try? Try being unhappy. See what happens. Let yourself be miserable and find out what happens in your life. You might just be surprised. Check it:

Botfriendly’s 5 secrets to Happiness  Fuck-It-All


Dude, Anger is a POWERFUL motivator. People are afraid of anger. When you get truly angry, your hands shake, your palms sweat, your eyes dilate. Your body is physically reacting and forcing you to enact change! Anger is amazing. Get fucking angry about your life. Can’t see any light at the end of the tunnel? HULK SMASH your way through the fucking wall, then! Don’t like the way people treat you? Fucking say something! Be angry! Get mad! Get to the “Fuck this” moment in your day and find out what happens…


Be grateful for what you have CURIOUS!

Ask why?! Why don’t I have that? Why am I not making as much money as that guy? Why are we doing the same shit today that we did last year (and the year before, and the year before…)? Why can’t I do this now? If not now, when?! Why do we follow these rules? Why are the rules more important than the relationship they are set up to protect? What about what I truly want? Why would I want this if I wasn’t meant to have it?! Look…Just fucking stop and ask. I’m not saying just because you’re asking it means you deserve anything. But, stop and ask—why? Why are we expected to follow this path over that path? Why kids/marriage/tradition/church/anything? Is this

Think Less, Feel More Use your fucking brain.

I actually saw this one online. I’m not even kidding. “Think less?” That’s like saying, “Don’t ask too many questions…we’ve always been against EuroAsia.” Please…oh, please, use your goddamn brain. I know it probably hurts sometimes to think about everything all-the-time. But, please do it. Give me rampant intellectualism, or give me death.  Here’s the image, for your viewing displeasure, by the way…

There are so many things wrong with this…



Be content DISCONTENT!

One of the “big ones” people worry about is a general “loss of interest” in the things that used to make you happy. And, that is true. But, what if those things no longer make you happy because you are boredIsn’t it just possible that you lack the capacity to do the same hobby year over year, day after day, and get the same satisfaction out of it? Maybe you just cannot run that same race again this year. Maybe you’ve gotten everything you possibly could get out of this sport. Maybe, just maybe, you need to do something new. Maybe, if you just admit to yourself that you’re bored—and that’s nothing to be ashamed of, or medicated for—you could walk away from those things, and try something, I dunno, new? It might be uncomfortable and scary, but, you can do it.



(Oh, boy. I know that the people who really know me are probably a little nervous reading this. I promise I’m OK.)

If you’ve never had the pleasure of becoming obsessed with anything, I almost feel sorry for you. It is powerful. And, if you let it, it can do wonderful things for you. No great artist, musician, writer or leader ever created anything without allowing it to consume them first. The Greeks were visited by a muse. Sometimes, it’s just timing. If it happens, for god’s sake, let it. Follow an artist you love, read everything you can from the people who inspire you, hear someone you admire speak in person, see art in real life, hear music being played live—it makes a difference. Travel, experience real things. And, when you can’t get something, someone, someplace out of your head…stop trying to.




Here’s the thing: you’ve got to stop trying so hard to reach this unattainable goal. What would you do if you found it? Maybe I’m actually “happy” being “unhappy.” And, here’s the other thing. When I hear people say, “I want you to be happy.” Here’s what I hear: I just want you to be [quiet] [normal] [copasetic].” Maybe we need more discontent people in our lives? Maybe a well-behaved, Stepford, society is, well, creepy. Maybe we’re not meant to be happy and content all the time?


Or, maybe I don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. Feel free to tell me about that. I’d love to hear how angry this post made you.




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  1. Jennilyn
    October 26, 2015

    but hey, the 7 steps to happiness is rainbow colored.

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